reflecting

Today I reflect upon the events that transpired a week ago and I am saddened by the end result.  I had a less than desirable incident with my biological family and I am left with a lot of questions and doubts without a clear healthy avenue for resolution.

My heart aches for all of us. Knowing that I have hurt someone. Knowing that it may be because I tried to impose my will and beliefs upon a situation. Thinking that I have the "right answers", or that my way of doing things is better. Knowing that intentions do not necessarily yield the desired outcomes. Oh, this hurts. 

Self-reflection and self-awareness are necessary yet dangerous transactions. Especially when there are tendencies to be hypercritical, highly sensitive and empathetic. Right now I'm trying to keep a rational and temperate exterior. But, my inner younger Self is on full rant, temper tantrum, throwing things and ripping paper. I'm crying a monsoon, everything hurts from feelings to joints... and I'm mourning. 

I am mourning those who left before me. I am mourning those who left of their own accord. I am mourning those who I rejected in my ignorance and ego centricity. I am mourning those against whom I have chosen to set boundaries. I mourn the relationships that could have flourished. I mourn the ones that I let die through neglect and indifference. I mourn...

YET,

I also reflect on the amazing tapestry of love and compassion that I am weaving around myself. I am surrounded by a family of my choosing that is receptive, aware, full of wisdom and creativity. Men and women thoroughly devoted to love and support one another. I cherish you. I want you in my life. You are the very definition of beauty. This is my tribe. This is my fellowship. 

My wild sister, Susanne Munn shared this beautiful reflection. See how it resonates with you.

"Did you ever wake up with “sleep” in your eyes? You know, those annoying, crusty little bits that get stuck in the corners. Science proclaims it a natural process. Since we’re not blinking when sleeping, the natural debris, oils, and tears that would be wiped away during the day build up during the course of night.

But what if there was another explanation? 

As we travel through the vast worlds and universes of our dreams, specs of planetary dust gravitate onto our eyes to keep us company. ✨🚀✨

As we climb the tall, rocky mountaintops of our dreams, bits of dirt nestle onto our eyes to nourish and help us grow. ✨🏔️✨

As we frolic in the lush, tropical oasis of our dreams, grains of sand leap onto our eyes to experience the joy and serenity with us. 

✨🌴✨

And as we bathe in the mighty ocean of our dreams, drops of salt water cling to our eyes to cleanse our spirit. ✨🌊✨

I think I’ll “sleep” on that, tonight. 🌙 "

Me too, Susanne,  me too!