oh sisters

since december i have been sick. i am so congested, bloated and swollen. even the scale shows how unwell i feel. it seems like i  have gained 100 lbs, and there is no way to get rid of it. well, not really a hundred pounds, but a few. so, i have restricted, lifted weights, practiced yoga, but no loss. i have no idea what else to do, yet i refuse to accept that this is the way i am to be for the rest of my life, or the rest of eternity. i have to confess that sometimes i have trouble accepting that God would create me with so much excess fat. but, there is always a but... 

oh, Lord, i want You to help me... (singing) oh, Lord, i want You to help me,.. help me on my journey, ...help me on my way... Oh Lord, i want you to help me... while i'm singing, i want You to help me!

i know in my mind, because i have read it, and i believe it, that when we meet God face to face we will be in our transformed and perfect bodies. i know that Jesus will wipe away all my tears, and there will be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, nor pain, Rev 21: 4, in the kingdom to come. this is what builds my hope. the Lord is the foundation that keeps me waking up every morning. it doesn't matter, whether in pain, depresion, anxiety, trying to find my way through the fog, i know that i know that i know that i can always count on Him to declutter my thoughts. He is the light that shines even in the darkest recesses of my heart and mind. i pray like St. Teresa:

Let nothing disturb you, 

Let nothing frighten you, 

All things are passing away:

God never changes. 

Patience obtains all things 

Whoever has God lacks nothing;

God alone suffices.

 

and in the middle of my sadness and distress, God surrounds me in a blanket of love, personified in my sisters. these ladies respond to my cries for help. they read my posts and respond with love, compassion, mercy, and grace. they offer sage wisdom. they cry and pray with me. they share their own pain and efforts to cope with life on life's terms.

this sisterhood is sacred, divinely ordained and appointed. 

i am so fortunate and blessed to walk together with these amazing women,

....and they call, they text, they holler. 

they are relentless! 

... and i love them!!!