presuppositions

1.   That I lack the language to express my history, situation, feelings, etc.
Response: I can do so in at least three languages. This is not a linguistic situation. It is a basic misreading of my situation.

2.     That there is some hidden sin conflict that I need to resolve.
Response: what I am working through is not my sin. It is, however, being sinned upon, being victimized. I am dealing with childhood trauma from physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.

3. That mental health/mental illness is related somehow to unrepentant sin. Response:The basis for that ideology comes from misguided and unqualified "pastoral counselors" who have been thoroughly refuted by the psychological community.

 
Sadly, we live in a world where we are unwilling to listen to voices that are different than our own. Just because I disagree with your choice of opinions does not give anyone the right to shut me up or gaslight me and then try to make me feel like I’m the one who is wrong.
 
We have fallen prey to the “gaslighting” effect - not just in the political arena. it is insidious and pervasive. it is particularly evident in religious circles. It is a paternalistic assumption that white man’s religion is the only correct religion, and I’m wrong so I need to leave your cultural capsule.
 
I feel like I do not have a voice in today's church. That my opinion is not valued. That I am invisible, or that my way of behavior/communication is not culturally appropriate. That point is correct. I am culturally and linguistically different than the contemporary "christian" church. I have no interest in becoming just another white suburban lady in church, content in doing ‘hit and run missions’ further victimizing the less fortunate than ourselves. I do not belong in that bubble where I get to look down on other people just because of their economic, linguistic, or educational background. I would rather be walking the streets in the mountains of Peru, Ecuador, or Africa with the dispossessed and the marginalized than sitting in a comfortable climate controlled amphitheater Sunday after Sunday.
 
Most "christian" video presentations are very difficult to watch from my perspective. The majority are  simplistic and done by a white males who speak too fast and get inappropriately zealous and passionate in thinking that they are presenting something new without giving credit to the many theologians who have been proposing basic theological concepts since the early days of Christianity.

I am so tired of the sanctimonious, passive aggressive, projecting of the white-washed values on me. I am not white, and I never will be white. I have no desire to be white. I do have a need to be seen, to be heard, to be respected; better yet, to be accept me as I am. I cannot be expected to speak the same lingo, or live the same way as the main culture. First of all my background is diametrically opposed to white America. If you grew up white in the US, that is all you know. You have no idea of what it is to be outside of your cultural capsule. I cannot begin to tell you how hurt I am by your attitude. It seems that you think you are better, smarter, or above the rest of us common folks. Let me tell you, you are not. You are just some selfish, entitled, uneducated, immature, prejudiced person who thinks their opinion is better than others. Do you really think yourself more enlightened than most? You are not! Shame on you. Shame on all of you. You seem to think that your white privilege is the best way to be and to live. Well, it is not. You don’t have all the answers, you certainly don’t even have the experience, don’t even have the compassion to ask honestly about my situation. You seem to think that everything is a sin issue. That is simple minded and ignorant. It is lazy and you seem to think that you can get away with it. Honey, when you were on your way to the destination, I was already on the way back. Yes, that’s right, I AM THAT SMART!!!
What makes you think that you can talk down to me, and get away with it? Did you really think for one minute that I would just take it and slink back to my corner quiet and submissive, thanking you for whatever gold nugget fell out of your butt? NO, oh heck, no!
 
This is not pride speaking, this is RAGE induced by the decades of racism, overt and covert, that I have endured in this country; and, to experience it again in the church is disheartening... my mistake was thinking that this time it would be different... that you were mature enough to walk this part of the journey with me. The truth of the matter is that I am going to have to walk this alone. It’s just me and God, complete dependence and reliance on God.

Church, you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting!
 
I don’t know what else to add for now. I am so tired and I have such a headache right now. I need to meditate.
 

[Later]

So, after much meditation and rumination I have come to understand that this is simply a cultural encounter. One in which both parties are exercising their own communicative style from different perspectives.
I am Latina, and I am passionate and vociferous when it comes to putting forth an opinion. 
Some descriptive words about how I feel in today's church culture:

Dissonant
Unwelcome
Silenced
Invisible
Blended, but not quite
Uncomfortable
Unwanted
 
It seems that the contemporary church is going in the direction of “dumbing-down” the gospel and calling it relevant, or watering it down with pop psychology. I see pastors copying each other in mannerisms, speech style, and even how they dress. That is very troubling, almost like they’ve taken discipleship to mean cloning. That is not what Jesus did. The disciples became followers of Jesus, and yet they were distinct in personality and character. The one characteristic that joined them as one was love and compassion for the “other”.
 
I do not see myself as a clone of a pastor, that is an impossibility. Yet in so many ways "christians" are becoming so similar to one another. It is almost like Stepford wives. They fall in step with one another, emulating each other’s behaviors, complaining about suburban lifestyles and how difficult life is in the lap of luxury. Then, they have the nerve to do “hit and run” missions and call "that" taking care of the “less fortunate”. It’s misguided, paternalistic, and unfortunate.
 
Why is it that “white people” feel that they always have the right answers, the better lifestyle, a better way of doing things? Instead of allowing people to do things their own ingenious and marvelously creative ways. Why do we all have to fit the same mold, when God created us all so different and yet in glorious harmony with each other?
God created us to live in harmony, not all singing the same note. Rather, he loves a good song that is thick and rich with sweetness, gravity, and meaning. Those moments are unique and glorious. That is the high that I have been pursuing. It is like I’ve been given a glimpse of the chorus of voices around the throne; how sonorous, how majestic, how perfect, and now I want more, and I want to be ready for when I get there to be given the privilege, to make myself available for that amazing opportunity to minister to God’s own heart. Oh, Lord grant me that! I so long for it and I am saddened when I realize that it is not here yet, and I am nowhere near ready for it, yet i know that the Holy Spirit who began the good work in me will be faithful to complete it.