compassion... what does look like? how does it feel? 

i have to share with you something that happenned recently while i was in the studio. i showed up early so that i could pick a "good spot", not too close to the mirror, but still able to see myself. i took one look at my hips and i saw a roundness that i had not considered before. i thought, "wow, those are amazing beautiful hips!" since i know that Holy Spirit is with me wherever i go, and i speak with them often, i said, "is that what You see?" suddenly, a wave of compassion (more like a tsunami) moved through me and i cried. i cried for all the times i scolded and punished myself for not looking like a magazine model, or what this culture says i should look like. i cried for all the lost time spent hating my body, not appreciating the work of God's hand. oh, and there were also tears of joy, relief, and release as i entered into His compassion for me. i cried as i, in the spirit, ran into their arms - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. i could feel their warm embrace, and i still do. now, i am walking in the full knowledge that i can see what They see in me, and love what They love about me. that though my body continues to mature and age, i am doing so with grace through their grace and mercy. 

today, i can say with all certainty that i love my curls and my gray. i love the way it frames my round face.

i love how i have deep lines around my mouth because it means that i have stretched my lips in outrageous laughter. i love that i have strong legs that support me and allow me to achieve balance to overcome the vertigo that sometimes shows up. i love that i have a strong back that can bend in all four directions, that i can do back bends, bow poses, and camel poses.

in that respect, i love that i am surrounded by a community of love and compassion, where we hold each other up, encourage one another, hug through the difficult times, and can laugh together loudly, uniquely, and joyously. oh, i just love the work that Holy Spirit is doing in me, from the inside out, as it should be. that work then produces the healing - physically, mentally, most of all, spiritually. i truly marvel, like the psalmist, at God's workmanship, that i am His "poiema", a work of art that has been lovingly and carefully crafted by the Master Artisan.

one thing i find even more precious is the certainty that this body that i am seeing now is not the body that i will carry for eternity. i believe with all my heart, mind, and soul that i will be transformed and be made wholly perfect and complete; no more wrinkles, nor misaligned vertebrae, no more aches and pains. i believe i will be able to run and jump, do cartwheels, dance like i have never danced before - and you know i'm puerto rican so that's gonna be fierce!!! once in a while i see glimpses of how that's gonna be, and the fact that i'm not gonna be alone; the fact that i will be surrounded by people who speak the language i prefer, the language of peace, love and compassion; the fact that i will be in an environment that is specifically designed to be creative, to work the garden, to sing, shout, dance, hug, and LOVE... that astounds me, yet fills me with unspeakable joy.

i know that i am still on the healing journey. i am very aware that some days will be difficult to navigate, yet at this time i am filled with gratitude, and i am going to ride this for all it is worth. i am going to remain in this moment and breathe, i am going to remain in contemplation of the goodness and the peace that surrounds me. i am going to focus on the beauty in me and around me, a beauty that will never diminish because it is fueled by Someone who is eternal, inmutable, infallible, inefable.

thank You God!!!!

my prayer tonight for me and for you, dear sojourner, is

"Holy Spirit, you are our comforter. every moment of every day , you are all that we need. fill us with your presence and peace. heal our hearts, our bodies, our souls, and our minds from all trauma and release your comfort into every area of our lives. You will bring us through every difficult and painful circumstance. not only will you bring us through them, you will also comfort us in the middle of them, giving us peace that doesn't come from this world.

you are helping us and healing us. give us an eternal comfort and a wonderful hope and strengthen us in every good thing we do and say. in the midst of trouble, we will cry out to You. Your unfailing love is our comfort!"* 

in Jesus' name, Amen.

*Adapted from "Prayers & Promises for Healing", p.26.