this is my life right now... messy, disjointed, half finished projects. sooner or later they will all get finished, but in the process my mind just feels so jumbled up with ideas bubbling up everywhere. i want to do them all at once. there seems to be a sense of urgency that i need to do these things before i cannot do them anymore. i know that there will come a time when i won't be able to do these things... or maybe it is the fear that i am becoming my mother who had a number od comorbidities, was nearly blind, deaf, and contended with her eating disorder til the day she died. it was from her that i learned that throwing up was a way to lose weight. that was her legacy to me, anxieties, anger, frustration, body image issues. however, she also taught me about faith and relentless prayer. she taught me about hope for a better tomorrow. she taught me to trust in God for all things at all times.
today i sit in my messy living space. my bed is half made. there are at least three crafting projects going at the same time. i have three translation projects on deck, one of which is due in 3 days, and i have zero motivation to work on any of them. i'm exhausted just thinking about all the shit that i want to accomplish. i want to just roll up into a ball and not do anthing, just lay there and not think about anything...
maybe that's just what i need to do. set everything aside for a few minutes and not think, let all these thoughts, anxieties, and frustrations float on by for a little while i make one of my lists and then prioritize what needs to be done first, etc.
be back soon...
No comments:
Post a Comment