this bears repeating...

“Before you pass judgment on one who is self-destructing, it’s important to remember they usually aren’t trying to destroy themselves. They’re trying to destroy something inside that doesn’t belong.” -J.M. Storm

so, i am that heavy weight, obese older woman; no use denying it - whenever i input my age, weight, and height into those bmi calculators it always comes back "obese/morbidly obese" - so frustrating, so full of shame. to make matters slightly more complicated, i live with my sons who have been severely affected by genetics and generational dynamics. so, these sweet, compassionate, open-minded, non-judgmental young men are exposed to every aspect of my healing journey on a daily basis. nevertheless, like nature, we strive in the middle of the storms, and thrive despite the aftermath of every storm.

recently we made a collective decision to support one another through swimming. we selected the nearest "YMCA", as they have an indoor pool. So far, we have gone swimming at least twice a week since January. we are keeping each other motivated and make sure to attend together. i cannot say that we have lost a lot of weight because that is not our main concern right now. the main goal is to consistently be active and develop healthy eating habits. i am over the moon happy that we have not given up yet. whenever one of us is not feeling like going to the pool, the others engage and encourage the one. there has not been one week that we have completely missed. also, meeting the staff and other people at the pool is so good, so empowering, so encouraging.

i am slowly and surely moving from helpless to hopeful, from ashamed and guilt-ridden to freedom and assurance, from condemnation to conviction, from feeling driven to Spirit guided.

Today's prayer is for the Lord to renew my mind; to help me cope with the feelings of shame over the self-punishment for the abuse that was perpetrated against me; to grant me wisdom to make better decisions, to give me the will and the way to thrive; and,for endurance to make it through this day - it is the only day i have.