Instantly, I see my younger self at age 3 or 4 with hands outstretched reaching and waiting to be picked up. No one comes.
My older self wants to scream, "where are they?!?" Where are the people that were charged with my care? Where are the ones who were entrusted with comforting and nurturing my soul? Deafening silence.
Somewhere along the line I must have found a way to self-soothe. Art, books, science, intellectualism, music, food, alcohol, physical contact, all done to extremes. Nothing seemed to satisfy that growing void that consumed me.
There was ONE constant in my life. My youngest recollections of peace, comfort, completeness, and love revolve around God.
Singing to them, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, the Three in One; reading and learning about them filled me. Getting to know about the saints who came before us, inspired me. I wanted to be like the nuns that I saw serving in the community. But, there's one problem, I'm not "catholic". Oh, well....
But, getting back to "lonely"... I want to tell my sister micha that I'm here to hold your hand right now, for as long as you want, in the way you want to be held. I remember each and everytime you held me in a tight embrace, after Sean died. Your hugs are the definition of soothing and comfort. I believe that Holy Spirit used you to give me a tangible way to receive Their love at that particular moment. My dear one, I want to be for you what you are to me. You are beauty, softness, peace, wisdom, humor, laughter, gentleness, humility, generosity, quiet, unconditional, unabashed, unending, unquenchable LOVE!!!
I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE!
And, let us always keep this in mind...
