freaky freeflow friday

 i know my posts are mostly diatribes and emotional rants, BUT today at this very moment i'm feeling good.

this morning i started out with hot yoga, 26&2, THE original hot yoga, good for your heart, your internal organs, your joints, work every muscle group yoga. this moving meditation is more my speed. i know it's not for everybody but i LOVE it.

i'vehad such good instructors, who have worked, molded, and encouraged me to move to the best of my abilities, to move as slow as i need, and go as deep as my body can. now, i follow the guidance/teaching of Ginny at Yoga Rx, a compassionate and highly empathic soul. If you are in the 757 area and you want to experience a practice that goes above and beyond, come to this studio, https://www.yoga-rx-vb.com/. everytime i go to class, my inner child - Gaby from "Vivo",  sings and encourages me to march, dance, and move to the beat of my own drum. i am really grateful and surprised to see what my body can do, at this weight and age.  how many of you can say that they absolutely love to work out? i do, i do, i do 

Oh, oh, oh... i saw something funny yesterday. picture this, a really nice tesla car... now put this color combination together, OD green, you know like the old army uniforms, and pearlescence!!! Yup, yup, it's like throwing glitter on baby poop... ROTFLMBO... oh, i crack myself up

let's see.. what else? my younger son came to hot yoga with me this morning. i'm so proud of him. it was his first class and he did very well. he stayed in the studio. he did not go running out the door, tongue hanging out, ripping his clothes off, looking for the nearest water source. he did not pass out. he started and finished with the rest of the class. woooohooooo!

a few minutes ago i had a phone call with a cousin who went to Costco to have breakfast, LOL. as we are on a video call she's going by the different vendors having coffee, bread, coconut nibs, and i don't know what else... oh good Lord, she cracks me up!

 i just looked at my phone and there was a sweet message from a dear sister that blessed me and reminded me of the hymn "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms", by Hoffman and Showalter. now the tune is stuck in my head and i want to share that with you. if you know it, sing it. if you don't, just read the lyrics. all together now...

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

    Leaning, leaning,

    Safe and secure from all alarms;

    Leaning, leaning,

    Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,

Leaning on the everlasting arms;

I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

and there you go, we just had church, just like that

and now for more yoga irreverence.... 

you know you laughed at that, at the very least you chuckled.

Love you!!!

we are family????

 i wonder what constitutes family. biology? shared experiences? community? religious affinity? common ground? philosophy? all of the above?

right now i am faced with yet another "family reunion", and i am dreading it. who can i talk to about it? i cannot trust most of "them" with my thoughts or feelings. their thinking is so shallow and trite. they'd rather be talking about fart and shit jokes than our family dynamics. it's easier to hide behind bathroom humor than get real with one another. we could do so much healing from generational trauma, if we just chose to open up and REALLY talk/process. instead we'd rather engage in foolishness and enshrine our grandparents, as if they were THE perfect image of christian parenthood. nothing could be further from the truth. one of my favorite sayings is that "by their fruit, they will be known," or "the proof is in the puddin'". the truth is that our family is not good fruit, and we live wrapped up in a cloak of denial and self-delusion.

i really do not want to attend but i've already made a commitment to be there. so, i will be there, and i wonder at what personal cost. i do not relish the thought of spending a long period of time in that particular sphere of hell- the Lehigh Valley. it is a disgusting place, and its denizens can barely be categorized as human. i could employ the facile retort "no offence to those who have no other choice but to live there", but i won't. i would be lying if i said that i hold any kind of love for that area. i have no desire to return nor to live there. yet, here i go again... i am a masochist. somewhere along the line i embraced this persona of the designated ugly fat friend/family member. i allowed myself to get roped into the position of having to transform myself in order to be accepted. no one should have to deny their nature, to wear their hair or have the body that was not designated by dna. i mean,if we are to espouse a doctrine in which we are "wonderfully made" by a Creator who loves and will never leave us nor forsake us, how come i have to torture my hair, and the rest of my body, to receive a compliment from my father?!?!

ENOUGH!!!!! I AM DONE!!!!

today, i do not want to dwell on my biological family's dysfunction and imperfections. i'd rather think and meditate on my chosen family, the Father/Mother who chose me, brothers and sisters that were specifically chosen for me. they are the ones who surround me with compassion, empathy, sweet encouraging thoughts. people who love me through the rough times, when i am four tissue boxes into a good cry because i miss my husband. people who tell me " you are so fucking hot!", and they cook delicious food for me. people who invite me to go walking because they know it is good for me to connect with nature. people who joyfully accept the ways i choose to express my creativity. we are a collective where grace is extended, where faith and hope lead to positive action for the health and healing of the community, spirituality is shared in a common bond of love for God and love of the other, and loved even more when a person chooses not to believe in a power greater than themselves.  that is a family worth seeking, worth pursuing, worth growing, worth cherishing.

i thrive in such an environment. i love relationships where i can hold intelligent, well informed conversations. i love good humor, especially when i know it takes a modicum of knowledge and wit to understand what the person is saying. i cherish compliments, to give and recieve them. i desire reciprocation - not out of self-interest, rather a willingness to freely, graciously, extravagantly give and receive.

this is my manifesto! how you respond to it is your prerogative. i cannot, and will not, try to control how you receive it. at this point in my life, i am working towards a healthy acceptance of the self, and cutting out excess negativity, manipulation, useless information/misinformation, abuse and violence. if you come at me with any of the above, rest assured that there will be some pushback. such behavior will not be tolerated. i will love you and pray with you, but i will not pursue you.

our collective motto is "we choose compassion. love God, love others". i will love you regardless of your definition of "God", your family composition, your preferred pronouns, cosmic identity, political party affiliation, some of you are a little harder to love in that domain, whether basic, "normal", or neurodivergent, static or nomadic... i will love you. however, i must admit that neurodivergents are my kind of people!!! there, i said it, I am biased and i do play favorites.